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This is the second article in the ‘Let it Go’ series.
There is a dissonance between what is and what could be in our lives. The pain and discomfort we feel as we view our global situation and then closer to home our personal lives with work, family and within ourselves is ever changing.
Isaac Newton’s Law of Motion states ”everything continues in a state of rest unless it is compelled to change by forces impressed upon it”, means that something has to force that change and when it does our peaceful state can go from minor discomfort to chaos depending on the circumstances.
Consider where you live and the changes you have seen over the past 10 years. I lived in Bali for 6 years and during that time I saw the cost of living double, a toll road and highway built to improve traffic congestion, more land owned by wealthy Jakartans, many expats from a range of countries setting up and owning businesses. I saw traffic increase exponentially as more people were given money by banks to buy motorcycles and cars, more robberies and some murder as the divide between rich and poor grew. I saw increasing numbers of people take risks to bring illegal drugs into the country and the death penalty enforced for the first time for drug users. I saw the government try and change, by outlawing the receiving of bribes as illegal and a change from the military led governments of the past to a more moderate. This is nothing compared to those that have lived in Bali some 20-30 years prior who have seen it change from a small rural community on an island, to becoming one of the most sort after locations for tourism and spirituality.
Consider the changes you have undergone over the past couple of years. Maybe you were in a relationship and now you are not, maybe you got married, maybe you came out or maybe you had a child. Maybe one or both of your parents passed away, maybe your wealth has increased or decreased, maybe you had a job and now you don’t or maybe you have grown your hair, changed its colour, lost weight or gained It. Maybe you have gone back to studying or dropped out, become homeless or bought a new place, gone into employment or become an entrepreneur. There are so many things that change in our personal lives.
Whether you have made any of the changes above or others, the opportunity for positive expansion, change and reset is within us all. Dynamic shifts occur and if there has been some dysfunction in something within your relationship with self, work, family or within as a couple it’s about facing the truth, being your authentic self and taking responsibility for the part you play in that dynamic.
How are you treating yourself and others that you have relationships with? Examine your lifestyle and the choices you make, the food you ingest, the physical activity you undertake, the time you spend at work, at home, with family and friends. Is it serving you or are you serving it? What is it you truly need right now for your body, mind and spirit?
If you are making changes there may be resistance and a tendency to want to go back to old habits. Research shows it takes 30 continuous days for a change to be implemented and to see some long lasting effects.
In some relationships there maybe toxicity and negative thoughts that impact you own, creating self doubt and possibly fear. Align your energy to a higher vibration and set patterns that are supportive of your intention.
It is important to honour the completion of something before commencing something else otherwise you are just recreating the same old stress, issues, dynamics. There is always a reason for change and wanting to eliminate it from you life. Be aware of what the architecture of the change is and give it space to move organically and to start afresh.
If a change is imposed on you try not take it personally but look at it as an opportunity to grow, to set new boundaries of what you are willing to accept or what needs to change so that you have the tools, security and level of trust you require.
What do you do when change looks you in the eye? Look to clear, expand and renew yourself and honour the markers of change by continuing to be flexible, cooperative and resourceful. Stay focused and disciplined with what you are working on changing. Remember you can direct another person but cannot change them, only yourself.
Remember change doesn’t just happen and nothing changes in your life unless you make it happen. It’s about identifying the problem areas and setting your intention to achieve the desired outcomes. Put into motion any ideas that you have wanted to make whether it is small or larger and go for it.
Our environment will support you if you have faith in yourself however, the effects of the external global environment will continue to create radical chaos that we have little control over. The financial crisis still reverberates with many companies downsizing or placing financial restrictions on their employees, climate change affects us with bushfires, tsunamis, earthquakes and more occurring around the world, governments are in flux as a new expectations are being forced on them by the populous, GMO, chemicals and pharmaceuticals still impact on our health, violence inside and between countries still sees refugees fleeing to gain a better life elsewhere, the rise of hatred against Muslims and Jews is on the up (the book by Hitler -Mein Kampf reprinted in 2016 reached overwhelming sales in Germany) showing people are choosing to forget the past and what such mass destruction caused, the global markets are unstable and just to add to it technology is changing everyday our way of doing things.
Bob Dylan in his song “The Times They are A Changing” encapsulated the feeling of the times when he first published this song. It is as relevant today as it was then with what is happening around the world. Listen to his words.
© Kia exponentially Counselling & Life Coaching
Change brings out our insecurities and to counteract it, our stubbornness refusing to act. It removes our points of reference, it’s scary and exciting at the same time and it can be chaotic as we face the unknown. Stubbornness blocks flow and brings about more drama and suffering. Confusion can reign with the stubbornness one faces, destroying one thing to recreate something else. The discomfort we feel is similar to going through a dark tunnel to emerge into the light. Going back into the dark tunnel is usually not an option many wish to embark upon, as we struggle to head towards the light.
Have you seen the movie, ‘Hunger Games’? This futuristic movie has a society divided into 12 districts with each member of the community examined for district fit, to live and perform according to the district classification. Though our society is not divided as such into these classification we do have people who are more suited to caring than others. In reality, we each have a degree of caring and empathy within us though we may not chose it as our profession.
Ask yourself the question, would I help someone unconditionally? Would I go out of my way to offer support to family and friends? Would I go to the aid and support of strangers if some event happened?
Did you know that there are more men in the world than women?
I had it drummed into me when I was growing up that if I was to attract a man for life then I had to look good by dressing well, had to have the proper manners and be a lady, and my father would often say that I needed to do housework and be clean and tidy because when I was married, it would be expected of me. No wonder I rebelled.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Why I am of course……
Just because you get older doesn’t mean you are ready for an aged care facility. Most people who reach their 50’s and 60’s and sometimes even 70’s feel much younger than their ages belay. They frequent singles places and go out or have relationships with others who are ten to 20 years younger than themselves.
While we search for our own identity as an alternative to assimilation and following the crowd, thus not becoming a carbon copy of others, we place ourselves in a position where we are sometimes ignored, ridiculed, bullied and mistreated to force us to conform.
There are many reasons people don’t fit in, you could be too much of a joker and not serious enough, too much of a nerd and too serious, your body or face are not attractive, you are of a different culture, you are homeless, you are too outspoken, you work too hard, you are a dole bludger, you are an alcoholic, you are gay, you are fat, you are disabled, you are a drug addict, you are too talkative, you are too quiet or shy, you are not into sports and the list goes on. Who’s judgement is this? Why is it so important to you?
The bible tells us that God created the world in 7 days and formed Adam and Eve. It is assumed they were created for the purpose of procreation and creation of a global society.
The desire to have children and even remain single are choices being made everyday. Divorce, abuse, dysfunctional families, cheating partners are what consciously or unconsciously prevent connections, new experiences or even opportunities from taking place.
If you have no expectations or desire for a long term relationship, want a casual, sexual encounter without getting emotionally embroiled then as long as you know what you’re getting into and it fits with what you are after, it can be great.
There are lots of women and men who hook up without any feelings of attachment. The moment an emotional attachment starts being formed is when things can get messy. People generally don’t talk about their hook ups since most people are judgmental and passionately attack the concept of FWB though, some may brag to friends about having someone “on the side”.
A facebook friend of mine recently posted this.
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
A woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.
Continue reading “Finding that special someone”